2007-03-22 - I like your bass. Your beat is nice.
Frickin' awesome advice, you. Thank you, I really mean that. I think one of my problems with opening up to people is that I don't really like it when people open up to me, because it means that I have to be there for them, and I have to honestly say that's not really my strongest character trait. I sometimes get uncomfortable when people cry around me about stuff (sometimes I'm in the right mindset and can actually listen and reflect when people cry to me, and I think I do a damn good job when I put my mind to it) - Francis just went thru a hard time and it was like sitting on broken oyster shells listening to her go on and on, it was really tough for me, but I didn't let her know that, of course. I'm just not that kind of person, so I guess my thinking is that if I don't vent it on someone, I'm stronger and better off. Yeah I know, it's not that healthy.
Anyway, today was a lot better. Much better. I kicked ass on my spin class this morning - my instructor came up to me (he's a gay homosexual) and told me I was looking really good. I was sweating like a mofo, even my arms were sweating, yah. It made me feel like a badass, he's hardcore. He makes spin class cards, laminates them, each one has different routines, has a box of them he carries to class. I'm telling you, the guy's a little on the obsessive compulsive side, but it really works for the class. I invited him to my party, but he didn't come.
Yesterday at work, people were still talking about my party.
Today I'm doing yoga again with my friend DR, it'll be my third day in a row this week. Wow.
Last night after yoga, before Amor came home from work, I really started feeling a lot better about us. I always text him when I'm about to go to sleep. He comes into the bedroom when he gets home and gives me a kiss. I remember him coming in last night and I was asleep but I remember telling him that I was having problems falling asleep, he said, No you aren't! You were sound asleep when I kissed you just now! Sometimes I get weird when I sleep. I begged him to come to bed right then, but he had to go eat his food - he had gotten fastfood on his way home, he confessed to me this morning. We NEVER get fast food, except Subway. But anyway, I felt good about us all day today, but then I fucked up -
He called me on his very tiny break today (between shifts) and we ended up having a fight about my eyebrows.
So yeah, I'm about to go do the yoga and feel irie.
Oh, I have to tell you that in one of the poses, they tell you to bend over so that from the side your body looks like a "Japanese Ham Sandwich".
I know that my problems won't go away just because I'm feeling better today. I still need to have that convo with Amor. And yes, Retailharlot, Amor does know that he wins arguments all the time, he knows he does that to me, we're in the process of working this out, like, how to figure out what the fudge is going on in our heads - he and I go about thought-creations so differently, I'm learning. It drives me batty!! I love the guy, then I hate the guy!
Oh, and before I forget - watch Dave tonight - Adam Sandler is subbing in for him.
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