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2008-01-07 - skunk massacre

I'm going to use today's entry to spout negativity and scathingly complain about still being sick.

So don't bother reading it, I'm serious. It will do you no good.

I'm still sick. We didn't get back from our travels until last night, I called in sick today, saw my Dr. who failed (unbeknownst to me at the time) to order the most crucial of blood tests when the 4 vials of blood were taken from me a few weeks ago. So - I get to go in for more blood tests, whenever I can get a morning off to have a fasting blood. Then she put me on antibiotics for having strep. I've been sick for 9 days straight. Thursday and Friday I thought I was getting better, but that was the beginning of our travels to see the nephews, I wasn't in my home, so my recovery wasn't continued. The next 2 days I spent in a strange, uncomfortable bed, feeling like hell warmed over. I haven't eaten anything for 3 days. Fever, chills, fever, chills, headache, bodyaches. My head feels like it's going to explode. I find no relief with over the counter meds. I was at the stupid Dr.'s for over two hours today because she was out, then I had to spend an additional hour at stupid walgreens waiting for my script to get filled. I almost started crying in line, I was in so much pain and completely at walgreen's pharmacy's mercy. I understand they're busy, but at least tell me when my script's filled. My throat's so painful, I can't eat anything and nothing tastes good. My glands are so swollen it hurts to lay my head down on the pillow or even move my head to the left or right.

I haven't been sick in over a year and a half, so I just feel like bitching.

So, I didn't really have a good visit with the nephews. My husband's going to feel awful when he reads this, because it's hard for him to stomach anything negative I say about his family. BUT - his sister (God bless her, she's a wonderful woman) has very unhealthy eating habits and I was nil to find anything remotely healthy to eat. Well, she did have applesauce & bananas, at least. At home, I was juicing oranges, apples, carrots, & ginger. You know. So I had to lay in bed practically the whole time with my body aching, having horrible dreams about chickens pecking apart skunks, their bodies pecked to hundreds of pieces, the stench was horrible, and I felt like I was being smothered by the whole ordeal. It was a nightmare, but I didn't tell my husband at the time. I can't tell him these things, he'll get his feelings hurt because I didn't have a good time with his family. The more times I see his mom, the less good vibe I get off her. My husband will tell me I'm crazy when he reads this. He will get his feelings hurt (again) but I can't help what I feel. Who am I supposed to tell? I feel safe here at diaryland. I feel uncomfortable around her, like she's drilling me or something, like she wants to tell me something, but something is holding her back. And of course, no one else on the planet feels this way about his mom, everyone else thinks she's just a hoot, fun, funny. What's wrong with me? Why can't I enjoy her company like everyone else? I don't know. She's supposed to come stay with us when we have kids to help out (because my mom can't because of her dementia, obviously), but right now I don't think I want her to. I may change my mind in the future...Ack, it drives me crazy. She looks at me with these eyes, like she doesn't like how I answer her questions. It's very weird.

The nephews are a complete joy, and it's sad I didn't get to really spend time with them.

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So anyway, to continue my rant, I emailed in sick today and haven't been on the work-email since. It took my whole effort to go see the dr. and get my script filled. My dr. said I can't go to work tomorrow because I'm contagious, so I got a note for that. My coworkers are going to just love me. I will email everyone tomorrow. I'm at the point in my illness right now where all I care about is feeling better, just a tiny, bit better. That would make me feel so happy... I feel so miserable now, I'm a complete baby when I'm sick. My hubby has been pretty good, he brought me tea and stuff, but I was so nauseated at the nephews', it was difficult to get any sort of calorie into me. The most I had in a day was some tea and 4 advils. How many calories in an advil?

So, another day in bed. What is this, day 10? I knew it was a bad idea to go on that trip, and now I'm paying the price. My husband doesn't know I'm this regretful of the trip. He actually told me on our way back last night on the plane, "I know you were sick most of the time, but I still think it was a really good trip and I'm glad we went and were able to see our nephews." He will never, ever see it through my eyes. It's really sad. He believes in putting family over everything - we don't see them more than once a year, so maybe he's right. Maybe he's right. Marriage is a constant tearing down of one's self for the other and vice versa, I suppose. Build up, tear down. Build up, tear down. I don't know, I'm not a fucking marriage expert. Whatever works.

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I have the air conditioning on. It's 73 degrees outside and humid as all get out. It's early-January and I have the air conditioning on. I love my city.

Where we went to visit the nephews - I got to see a bit of snow on the ground. That was neat.

I'm thinking of getting a new dr. My current one seems stretched thin - like butter scraped over too much bread.

I told you not to read this. It did you no good. Why are you still here? Go to bed.


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