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2008-12-09 - Another day Tuesday you'll stay

I fucked up Ginger's birthday unforgivably, only, he's forgiven me. I got too drunk and jealous and made a complete scene and it was just horrible. This was all Saturday night. I even tried to mentally prepare myself ahead of time because I knew she was going to be there, but I guess I didn't do enough. And it's all in my head, too, which sucks. Get out of my head, stupid thoughts! But they don't listen to me when I'm drunk. The events of the night even made me debate never drinking again, but that's just not realistic. Every time I think about the events, I take a deep breath in and close my eyes and roll my eyes up to the sky behind my eyelids and raise my eyebrows and just want to erase everything with a way back machine. I never want to go out in public again.

OK, so now I've talked about that, I can move on to the rest of my entry on this lovely Tuesday evening.

Last night I stayed at work until 8 pm. I was extremely productive and got about 3 days of work done in one day. No shit.

My job: like I said, they're giving me more responsibility and it's kinda scary. I hope I don't fuck up. But I probably will. That's the only way that I learn in this job, so it seems. I do like my job, I just never really feel like I've learned everything, there's new shit being thrown my way all the frickin time.

Anyway, so today at my spot I took a picture of some roses blooming in December. Huhyeah!

I was supposed to go to yoga tonight but it turned out I was too tired. I got 3 hours of sleep last night - Ginger and I talked for hours about the events of Saturday night. I caused him to lose a friend. Yes, Acorn is a cunt.

I've been trying to wrap my head around why I'm acting all jealous and Jerry Springer (this type of behavior isn't really me) and the only thing I can come up with is that maybe because I left my ex-husband so abruptly, that I feel that's going to happen to *me* because of karma or something. But then I gotta remind myself that he and I had been having problems for the last 3+ years of our marriage (and I tried to leave him twice during that time), and that we really, really tried to make things work, but they just didn't. Maybe I need to go to counseling again. Or just don't get so fucking freaked the fuck out about imaginary things when I'm drunk...

Shit, there I go talking about it again. I wish it would just go away.

So anyway, what I was saying was that I was supposed to go to yoga tonight, but I didn't. Instead, I worked until 6 and drove home and on the way home stopped at the grocery store and bought ingredients to make soup. I was in a cooking mood! Wow, that never happens anymore! I thought I should take advantage of it, because Lord knows when it might show up again. So here's what I put in the soup: chicken broth, garlic sauteed (crunchy) in olive oil (then when I added it to the soup it got soft, but lended the flavor of toasted garlic), kidney beans, barley, kale, green beans, diced yam, diced potato, celery, onion, and spicy chicken sausage (just a little for flavor). It was GOOD! And *then* I made fresh whole wheat yeast bread to go along with it. Fuck, it was yummy!!! Here's what it looked like before it got in my tummy:

Niko's the awesomest cat ever. I hope you aren't getting sick of pictures of here. Here she is again:


OK, who the hell from Longview is reading my diary? Reveal yourself.


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