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2009-05-24 - I go through all this, before you wake up. So I can be happier to be safe again with you.

I'm half-way through my 3-day weekend, and it's nice to be off work.

Richard and I rode our bikes Friday night to all our bars to see all our friends. It was bad ass. On our trip over the highway using the handy pedestrian bridge, I took a drunken pic of downtown.

He's so fucking awesome, that Richard he is. I ask him, Hey, do you want to go to such and such? And he *never* says no, I swear.

Here's a picture of one of his cats. Twitchy's very skittish, so this was a rare shot of him relaxed.

There's this pizza place we eat at every so often.

I've been able, lately, to finally go through all my old boxes of stuff from my last 2 apartments. After Wade moved out to Dallas, I stayed at our old apartment until it got sold and all the residents were forced out. So I moved into this crappy place for a year. It was actually good for me. It was a place to just unload all my mental crap, and leave it there. So I had this renewed sense of self when I moved in with Richard. The timing was so perfect, if I can use that word! But anyway, having to move twice in a year's time wasn't that fun, and I felt rushed both times, until I finally moved in with Richard, it afforded me the piece of mind to get a handle on things.

OK, what am I trying to get at here? OK, moving. Organization. It all gave me a chance to thoroughly go through my stuff, and it turns out that I had a lot of stuff for my ex, so I mailed it to him. I told you about that already. Well, I came across more stuff, and mailed that to him, too. He finally sent me a thank-you email for the first 3 boxes, he sounded pissed off - but what can you really tell from an email? But anyway, it all feels really good to get rid of all his stuff. Get rid of *HIM*. Ugh, I mean, I hate to say I regret getting married, I just feel like he wasn't honest.

There was this chick he was working with when we had been married almost a year or so. One night I caught her lovingly touching his wedding ring. She saw that I saw her do it. And it was about that time that Wade started complaining that I wasn't intellectual enough for him, and that he'd have to start having those conversations with other people, other than me. He never stopped complaining about that, through our whole marriage. I can only imagine the long, intimate, intellectual conversations he had with her. .

Well, we took a trip to Oaxaca to met up with this girl, and her boyfriend. We stayed with them a week. It was very weird, I could sense something between Wade and her, but she was with her boyfriend the whole time, so maybe I'm crazy. When we got back from our trip, I made a cool scrap-book of all the pictures we took from that trip, with momentoes, receipts, etc. Now get this - as I'm going through all my stuff (Wade didn't take much of anything along the ways of pictures, books, he just took his essentials) - he *TOOK* that scrap book. I just think that's weird.

So what I'm getting at here, is that Wade made it seem like *I* was the only one having problems with our marriage. He never, ever admitted anything about having doubts, he said he would stay with me to the end. It just boils me up inside that he thinks he was so the perfect one in our relationship. I even asked him about her after he had moved to Dallas, but at that point our communication was so broken down, and he totally blew me off. He is such a liar to himself, it's so sad. He thinks that is what makes you happy, is if you fool yourself into thinking you're happy. Like him and his new wife, I mean, he got married to her 9 months after our divorce was finalized. Wow. And as we were breaking up, he said *I* was the one who was rushing things.

Richard's at work right now. I was going to put up the curtains, but I can't find the hardware. I must have thrown it away when I moved. I have the rods, just not the hardware. Sucks. So I'm doing laundry instead. And I want to clean the bathrooms. But instead I updated my downtown pictures (I missed about 2 weeks when I had my wreck. I had a rental for a while, and didn't feel like messing with my tripod.) But I'm back at the downtown pictures. It's become a habit, a way to start the day.

Exercise: I've been working out at our apartment gym and then doing yoga at home. I haven't been going to Bikram, I'm taking a little break. I don't know why, just feel like it. I've kept off the 8+ pounds I lost with the cleanse. Thank GOD, I was getting fat.

Plus I've been cooking more. It feels better and better being in the kitchen. For a while there, I would start cooking and just cry. So today, I'm making pork tenderloin cooked in salt. You make a salt paste, and form a shell around the tenderloin with a bunch of herbs. It sounds fucking amazing! And then I'm going to roast some cauliflower and make some basmati rice and some fresh yeast bread.

Slowly but slowly - Acorn's coming back. I had *NO* idea how much this divorce was going to kick me in the ass. But I don't regret it at all.

I'll leave you with a picture of my beloved Niko. She's the shit, man do I love this cat!


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