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2010-09-09 - Just die already.

It's 4 am and I can't go back to sleep, I've been up since 2:45.

I think I'm having gallbladder issues, probably need to go to the Dr. Both my mom + older sister have had gallstones and their gallbladders removed surgically.

I just read 3 diaries where people talked about their moms: catsoul, blacksheet, and iamjackslie.

My dad threw away my mom's computer. Threw it away. It was her only means of communicating with anybody. He has 100% control of her "cell" phone, turns it completely off most of the time so I can't get a hold of her. Like hell if he thinks I'm going to call his cell and ask to speak with her. I avoid all contact with him as much as I can. Just thinking about his voice makes my skin crawl and my stomach immediately twist into knots. I don't even know if their land line is functioning. He's totally isolated her. My little sister is powerless to help, my dad has thwarted all her efforts to help... and they live in the same city.

So for months now, I've been mailing her a letter once a week. Sometimes I include a picture printed from the color printer. She really likes my letters, she's told me. Sometimes I wonder if she has received all of them. My dad has control of everything. In an ideal world, I would take her away from him. But tragically, in her ever increasing dementia, she thinks the world of him, he is her life, it would make things worse for her at this point. He is such a scourge on the face of this planet. I hate him so much. If he were on fire, I wouldn't even spit on him to save his life. He deserves his hell and misery. Poor mom. She's 66 and he's 70. I wish he'd just die already.

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