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2011-06-26 - sperm doner and half my DNA

The trade-off in SA occurred today between 2 and 3:30, and it was quite terrible. I'm way too exhausted to go into it right now. And you probably wouldn't believe me anyway.

I am never speaking to my "father" again. Ever.

I feel so heartbroken about my mom's dementia, and how she has to stay with my dad, he's her sole caretaker. She is so sweet and happy, he is mentally ill, insane, paranoid, and delusional. I'm done with him. I will not pick up the phone if either one (mom or dad) call me, he might be using her to call me, then he commandeers the phone from her. I will continue to mail (snail mail) her the 1 letter a week, with pictures sometimes, that's what I will do. I am finished. I'm done with him. He gets nothing from me ever again. The shit he pulled today was beyond insanity, and beyond forgivable. I'm 36 years old. I've been caught in his emotional cycle of anger, remorse, forgiveness, and relapse my whole life. He is a scourge on the face of this earth. No human being (much less his daughter) deserves to be treated like how I was treated today.

I wish Richard was home. He's out at a client's. I got home at 5:30, it's now 9. I took a shower, ate some food, now Niko and I are curled up on the couch together watching The Terminator. We missed each other so much, poor thing. I need Richard hugs.

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