S acorn's diary
2008-01-26 - Francis.

It's Saturday morning. I slept over 8 hours last night. Ah!

I just made myself some chai tea and this time I heated up the soymilk before I poured in the tea, so my tea won't get cold so fast. It's a brilliant idea, something I don't have time for, mornings.


I don't have many friends. Right now, it seems I don't have any friends who live in this city.

One of my friends... Francis.... Oh, I fear we have reached the end of our friendship. Honestly? She's a pain in the ass - she called me Sunday, she's in town from Europe (which she's moving there NOW) and just launched into this negative rant about this drama that's occuring in her life. Not one question about how I'm doing. So we leave the convo with the desire to get together before she leaves for Europe. I don't know when she's going back.

We had a series of texts this week, which I will show you right now.... Please read the following and tell me if you don't think it's over for me and Francis...

*It all started with me emailing her early afternoon, Wednesday. She had told me in the past that she doesn't always get her text messages (?), so sometimes email works better. I didn't hear back from her that day, so I called her thrice on my way home from work, left her two messages, and she never got back to me.

She texted me Thursday morning:
Hi Acorn. I was out with a friend and left my phone charging at home. Give me some notice if you want to get together :-)

Me that afternoon: Ok, sorry :-)

Then she texted me that evening to tell me she has gone to yoga 6 days in a row, to which I responded positively. It seemed like everything was OK...

Text from me to Francis Friday morning: Let me know if you would care to get together tomorrow evening...

Francis Friday afternoon: I am getting together with two friends tomorrow. Would Sunday work, too?

Well, I'm going on my team bike ride Sunday, all day. Amor and I are going to be busy Sunday everning. So I said I am unavailable Sunday. When do you leave?

To which she replied...Never mind then. It seems impossible to see you every time I am in town. Off to dinner. Have a good weekend

So, why couldn't she invite me to go out with her friends, either Wednesday and Saturday? Why couldn't I invite her to go out with me and Amor on Sunday night?

It just ain't happenin, y'all. I am throwing in the towel. I didn't text her back. This is that thing I was talking to you about, Blaze - sometimes you just have to give up. I dunno, maybe she's going through something right now I don't know about. She's really depressing sometimes, and doesn't care if she drags me down with her. My husband thinks she's a manic depressive.

I sure have spent a lot of time and energy on this entry about Francis. I guess in a way I do want to be friends, but maybe it's just because I really don't have any friends right now in this city.

I've got Anneliese! I'll always have Anneliese as my friend. Only, we don't talk enough, and we both admit to that. We've been playing phone tag, lately.

And my hubby and I, we have a good time when we hang out. We went to a Beatles cover band Thursday night, and it was fun. We do a lot of cool stuff I don't always cover here in this diary.

I had a breakthrough at the beginning of the year with getting along with him and not fighting and being angry, not just with Amor, but with everyone in my life. It was like, I was having this conversation with myself about going a month without being a total dick. And I told myself You could never go a whole month without being a total dick. And I thought that wasn't a very nice thing to say to myself, but I left it at that. I was right, I could *never* go a whole month without being a total dick.

Then a couple days later, I was really offended by what I'd told myself. And me, never to pass up a challenge, was like Fuck you, Acorn! You can go a month without being a total dick. Just fucking do it. Quit being a fucking pussy and just be COOL to people. Goddamn, you wear me out sometimes.

So, it's been almost a month and my husband is really, really surprised and very happy about it. It's totally changed things. I mean, we've gone stretches without me being uncool, but not this long (unless you count when we first started dating) and not with this strong of an intention on my part. Things are oh so very cool.

And you know what the whole thing really boils down to? You're going to think I'm a freak... my breathing. I fucking focus on my breathing for Christ's sake. It really works. I attribute this skill to bikram yoga, which, incidently, I haven't been to in over a month. Bad Acorn.

It takes a while to get things straight in my head, I'll admit that. But all around, I am a cool person, and people in my life benefit from my energy, humor, and goodwill. I love my friend(s?) and family who have stuck through me along the years, watched me grow, and have encouraged my progress.

Well, that... and beer helps, too.

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