I didn't know this was going to happen today, but I ate a group lunch this afternoon across the table from our CEO! It was cool.

My karma has been so much better, lately. My dermatologist, who was an asshole to me when he removed 2 moles about 2 months ago, and I had every allergic reaction known under the sun, and he was a total asshole, I gave him another chance yesterday, and he not only apologized 3 times, but took good care of me and I think my thing might actually get better this time. I have excellent luck with parking, everyone's been kissing my ass, life is good. I smile and laugh a lot.

Except today when I had to talk to him. See, he was supposed to send me a check for the health insurance for June, but he didn't. He didn't even text me to say he was waiting on some checks. I mean, that would have been nice. If I text, call or email, he just never checks ANY of those, so he never gets back to any one. I bet he gets back to his 25 year old girlfriend with the 16 month old kid. I wonder if he met her at a strip club. I wonder if she's a stripper. I just have this feeling. Anyway, so we're supposed to see each other this month to cash the IRS check, and I was asking him if he was going to come alone, and he said he didn't know. Whatever. He is so frustrating, he's so flat, no affect in his voice inflection, it's absolutely maddening. He said he'd send me the money, cash, in the mail. ?!?!?!?! Are you fucking insane? I said to him, "That's fucking stupid." At first, he didn't even apologize for not sending me the money. I mean, a simple text could have told me what the fuck was going on. I hate this sort of petty shit. It is just stupid.

Anyway, on a better note - my stereo equipment finally got assembled, and I have my turntable working!!!! I got the new Beck CD yesterday at Cactus, and you got a free 7" with purchase: it was Chemtrails on side A, and Vampire Voltage No. 6 on side B. So now I'm listening to 1,000 Homo DJs Supernaut and Hey Asshole (on the other side). Wow, takes me back to...... high school. Wax Trax records, man.

I saw my shrink, Bob, yesterday. And it stirred shit up. It made me more angry at him.

I told myself I'm too stressed out, I need more sleep, I need to pamper myself more.

My Special Guy Friend is supportive of this. The other night, we relaxed in front of my TV and watched Army of Darkness. What a great fucking film. I laughed and laughed and laughed! He makes me laugh a LOT, and he laughs a lot with me, and we just LOVE life together. He's a *doer*, I'm a *doer*. He was just good at rationalization and procrastination and brain washing me into thinking things were going to get better.

But - there were some good times. I'm trying to remember them. I cried in front of Bob yesterday, because I missed cooking in the kitchen with him. That's one thing we never really fought about, was food. We were never lost at conversation when it came to food. I cooked for the first time Sunday, I made enchiladas and oatmeal/butterscotch cookies, and it felt SO good! I am reclaiming bits and pieces of myself that got lost in the shuffle.

I won't go to restaurants the he and I frequented. Bob says maybe one day I can reclaim them.

I'm off to sleep.

They say eating beets is good for you.

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