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2006-08-17 - lasagna paper

Man, I have a couple of cool pictures of myself that I want to scan into the printer, but we got this new printer and I can't figure out the dang thing. I'll have to ask Amor for help when he wakes up.

I'm taking the day off work today. We're going to the beach. I made sangria last night (!).

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I had this dream last night about my prof:

We were at a conference together and I was yelling at him, laying into him good, I told him that he was the reason why I hated school, and how did that make him feel. I knew I was embarrassing both him and myself with my actions, but I didn't care. I kept yelling and screaming in his face.

Next thing, we were up at school together and he was handing me back my 3rd draft. Only it was lasagna in a 9 X 13 clear glass pan. It looked so delicious, it had all these yummy ingredients, vegetarian, with a nice layer of cheese on top. And I swear to God, in my dream, the draft was the lasagna. I was so happy about it, I knew he had put so much thought and care into it, and somehow it was going to be OK. As I carried it out of the building to go home and eat it, I was thinking, Dude, I need to remember to give him back his pan.

*end of dream*

I think what had happened here was that I had just watched a commercial for a show called 'medical mysteries' where people could smell colors and taste shapes, stuff like that. That, and it felt SOOOOOOO good to yell at his sorry ass.

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Amor told me that I use this diary to vent about my prof.

I agreed with him. I *do* use this diary as a means to vent about my prof. I'm sorry if it gets excessive, I really am. Soon I won't do it anymore because I'll be finished with school, and you're going to miss all my beautifully arranged expletives. You know it!

ha ha ha ha!!

LOL!

ROFL!

LMAO!

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So yeah, Amor was offered a different position with the company than what he was originally interviewing for. WTF? He turned them down. I mean, if he had wanted *that* position, he wouldn't have gone through the danged interview process in the first place! Plus, they let him know via email. Uh, ew.

Everything happens for a reason.

I get knocked down. But I get up again. Never, ever gonna keep me down. (Or however that song goes.)

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I've been thinking a lot about this past year lately, how it's been really hard on Amor and I. He's had so much heartache. I've been trying so hard (and succeeding, little by little) to get my mental state back to par. We've been so focused on me. Well, I think it's time now to focus on Amor more. More more.

And I'm not saying that I have to quit my personal journey/quest to control my anger and be more cool about life in order to get Amor back to his happy, old self. I'm just saying that since I've got things so much more under control lately with myself, I can afford more energy towards being a supportive, loving, wife, the best friend to my husband, maybe give him more blowjobs on the weekends. You know?

It's like the ebb and flow of life, energy, love. I've been taking. I need to give. Amor's been giving. He needs to take.

We'll see. We'll ALL see!

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9:25 a.m. Thursday

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