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2007-04-12 - *Kurt Vonnegut

I read Lily's entry today and found out Kurt Vonnegut died yesterday. This makes me sad.

When I was going to UT in 1994, he came and spoke one day, but I didn't go. I've always regretted that.

When I read his books, I feel like I'm in his head. I love how his words swim around in my brain, and linger when I put the book down. My favorite is Galapagos, which was a gift. I liked how he'd put an asterisk in front of people's names who were going to die. It felt like I had an insider's tip on the story, something the other characters didn't know. I felt like I was one of the people in the story.

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I haven't ridden my bike in almost two weeks. This makes me worried. I have been doing lots and lots of other strenuous physical activities such as yoga, jogging (yes, I've jogged 3 miles yesterday and today), spin class and turbo jam. I'm a fiend. I'm supposed to go on a ride Saturday, but I may have missed the registration deadline - sign-up was limited. I'm stupid for missing the deadline because there is a Sunday ride but I promised to pick up Francis at the airport Sunday, and if I went on a ride, I'd have to cancel on her, which would really, really suck and be very selfish on my part. But I can't jeopardize my training for this MS15O. Argh, I'm torn. It all depends on if I can register for the ride for Satuday, then everything will be OK.

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Amor and I were talking today on the phone, and he mentioned that we haven't fought in 2+ weeks.

I've been entering into a really good place in my head for a couple of months. That raging fire of unrest within my gut, that pang of panic that was constantly there when I was in school is really, really, going, going, gone. I get scared sometimes, that it's going to come back, in situations where it'd usually manifest itself, but it just doesn't. I mean, it's almost like my body braces itself for the surge of insanity, but it just doesn't come, and this makes me very, very happy. Man, you don't even know.

Ah.

I have so much more emotional control, I guess is what I'm trying to say.

Maybe I'm just getting old and more mature.

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It's 11:32 p.m. Bye.

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