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2009-03-18 - A bag of what?!?


I went to a bonfire on the beach last month.

Slowly moving into the new apartment with the new boyfriend.

The kitties are getting along swimmingly.

I'm feeling regretful at the moment because I was (once again - it's happened half a dozen times, now) cunty to that chick that my boyfriend's friends with that makes me cuckoo. I told her last (new) date that she liked it up the ass. (Not cool.) and they're not dating anymore. And then I showed up uninvited to a meeting between her new new boyfriend and my boyfriend - she needed his approval, GOD, and I wasn't invited because whenever we're in the same room, cunty things happen, and this time cunty things happened. We just hate each other. He won't back down from this battle we have going on. So I have to suck it up or lose him. He'd choose being single and hanging out with her over giving in to the principle of this fight: that I have no founded reason to hate her, he doesn't even like her as a person, but they stay friends because she was there for him for 3 years when he was alone. His words.

Ow, it makes my brain hurt, too.

But you're just hearing my side, you know.

I need to just let it go. I need help with it, and all my boyfriend does is tell me not to talk to him about it anymore (you can only beat a dead horse for so long before someone tells you you're fucking nuts), and that it's not his problem and he gets real mad at me. Because he's a redhead.

Maybe he's not the one to give me help. He says I can't tell him who he can be friends with. He's right.

God.

Sigh.

Same old shit.

Same old cuckoo.

Fixating on crap that doesn't matter.

Getting scared of nothing.

Anyway, I took defensive driving a couple weekends ago and took care of that speeding ticket I got back in December.

And I'm doing really good in my job. I just hate it not because of the work, but because of the amount of time I have to spend driving to my job, working in my cube, and then driving back home in traffic. It's not fun. I don't have time or energy for fun stuff and it's killing me. I'm barely training for the MS150, it sucks!

I guess right now I'm kinda down.

I cooked us dinner tonight and it felt good to be in the kitchen. My boyfriend loves my cooking, which is awesome. I haven't been cooking barely at all this past year.

Oh, and my ex-husband supposedly is getting married this month. He might even already be married, I don't fucking know. We haven't spoken a word to each other since November. Fucking robot. He can suck a bag of gay dicks.


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